As part of our aftercare support, we have commissioned some articles from our resident therapist.
Honouring your relationship with your loved one can take many forms. From the memories shared which you can access at any point, photographs, even recordings of them in voice or in vision.
Memory creation is also a way of facilitating acceptance. This may seem counterproductive but for many it is a way of supporting the mourning process once the initial phases of the DABDA, (disbelief, anger, bargaining/blame, depression, acceptance) takes place.
The mental health benefits of this can be very healing. A regular time set aside to meditate/pray (basically hold the memories of this person you have) in thought while lighting a candle for example. A place where you visited, a walk, an item, music, there are so many ways to continue a tangible bond. How regularly you do this is entirely up to you.
Having people to share the memories with is a bonus but not all of us have this opportunity for whatever reason. It can be privately accessed by your own instinct and creativity which has no limits or time constraints.
One more aspect of actively continuing bonds is that you can find a place to offset any regret or unfinished material by using these moments to work through for yourself any lingering experience you may be struggling with. This is also the best place for bereavement counselling to be entered into where you’ll be supported in the right confidential environment that is non-judgmental and safe for you to work through what may still hurt.
British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy
References –
Tonkin, Dr Lois (1996) Growing around Grief, Jessica Kingsley Publishers UK
Samuel, Julia Samuel (2018) Grief Works, Penguin Life
Kubler Ross, Elizabeth. Kessler, David. Shriver, Maria (2005) On Grief and Grieving, Simon and Schuster