As part of our aftercare support, we have commissioned some articles from our resident therapist, Diane Youdale.
When in our lives do we feel Confident? Really confident? What is it to you? A sense of ‘knowing’? Knowing what? That you’re skilled, talented at something because you’ve trained and put the time in? Knowing something because past experience has ‘taught’ you the protocol of how something goes? It is the opposite of anxiety and stress.Whatever it is for you let’s look at it more closely before relating it to how it may be affected in the position of bereavement.
Con (many interpretations but let’s go with ‘with’) fidence (Latin stem ‘fides’ and numerous developments) which means trust. So, ‘with trust’. What does that now mean to you?
When we get the knocks, the things that happen outside of us we’ve no control can be when your confidence is challenged especially around profound loss.
This is when you can wobble somewhat.
Once you knew worked or appeared a certain way then may be questioned on many levels to possibly realign, re-evaluate.
If you’ve read some of these articles here on directcremation.co.uk than you’ll have learned that values are very core to our energy and motivation and our beliefs, which is how we go about our values.
So, it really can be a big thing to have your confidence knocked. Sometimes life changing until we garner some self-belief back in order to trust our own positive decision-making processes again.
How to get your equilibrium back? Your inner voice you may have once trusted, now lost from your confidence and no longer seems easy to hear.
First, make sure you’re not letting too many others talk for you. Keep your boundaries and the right to have silent and protected space from too much ‘noise and clutter’. Clear this for yourself even if it means making a new routine for a period to get away out of your usual environment and be around only yourself so you can hear, without distraction your own voice.
Seek sources that draw you for any new, non-judgemental information you feel you may need to gather to move to your next place of personal development and guard it, as other’s may not like you becoming ‘you’.
This means either they have to shift in some way or they are simply not for you and it may be that time has come for you to authenticate. To regroup, inside and listen to the parts of you that want to be heard so you can be, well, more you!
Have an idea of the things you most love to do, maybe want to learn more about, invest in further skills and knowledge or treat yourself to that break/trip you’ve always wanted etc.
You’ll find you may ‘with trust’ start to like the new re-emerging you and your confidence will grow as you are becoming who you are with where you are now, as it is a contract with life, only you can full fill.
To read more from this series, please click here or contact one of the bereavement support groups here.
For further support, you could book an initial online assessment with our therapist for £65 by emailing [email protected]
Diane is a certified and experienced Counsellor, Psychotherapist and Coach. She is a lecturer, Trainer and Tutor in Counselling Psychotherapy. She has decades of experience in all aspects of therapy and is also a founder of The Core Philosophy complete wellbeing programme.