As part of our aftercare support, we have commissioned some articles from our resident therapist.
The turbulence of facing the loss of a loved one while others doing the same can be a fraught and tense time. Especially as everyone is dealing with loss in their own way. This is just it, everyone is doing it in their own way and must be given the space and privacy without judgement for this.
Sadly, we all know some whose boundaries can be over bearing on those around them and feel that ‘their’ way is what everybody else ‘should’ be doing too in varying situations. These tend to be judgemental types of people who have learned behaviour of not acknowledging that others are autonomous in their own right about their decisions and feelings in life.
They are hard to be around, even at the best of times. Sometimes they will even say things like I knew them for a longer time… it’s never a competition.
You know who they are by the use of the word ‘should’ a lot. Does it give you a slight judder when you hear them say ‘should’?
It’s because there is a part of you that is asking ‘according to who?’
This is because the word ‘should’ can be about a rule.
Whose rules though? Since when have you needed permission on any level from them, especially with something so profound and private as your own personal grieving process?
At a time of grieving the last thing anyone wants is others to be overbearing with their needs, ways and ‘how to’s… this is when it can feel like a messy mix of people’s stuff.
Listen with gratitude and with acknowledgement to them while internally putting a boundary around yourself and keeping your, often high, emotions safe and carefully held.
Everyone has the right to safety in their internal world.
It is only for you to navigate and you alone. It’s already a difficult time, without having to avoid those who are less considerate to your grieving process, allow yourself to have choice over your own space both inside and outside of yourself.
Hopefully, however, you will have those that are easy to be around for support and when needed. All you need to do is reach out.
If you need further help, please feel free to read more from this series or contact one of the bereavement support groups here.