As part of our aftercare support, we have commissioned some articles from our resident therapist, Diane Youdale.
What is alone to you? After loss it can mean many things.
A new but different space. An empty space. A space of memories maybe.
A space where the impact and settling in of loss can penetrate further and can be difficult.
In this space what to do? Do you need to ‘do’ anything? Does the possibility of giving yourself permission to just ‘be’ for as long as you need to let the newness of alone form, take whatever it’s shape may need to be just come to?
Does this new alone become filled with visitors – on your permission only, to pay respects and ‘check on’ you? Quite possibly.
At such a time remember it’s always on your terms. As well and good as others may want to keep you company and support, it is a time for yourself.
A time to look at where you are and deal with loss and the grieving process which is private and solely up to you and where you are in yourself each day, and night.
The word alone is interesting. On writing alone ‘all one’ leapt out. It led to thinking about what being alone can mean on many levels and the possibility that all one may have chance to form for an individual, like never before.
In therapy there is a term called ‘individuation’. A process that rarely happens for most as most are always in ‘relationship’ to something or someone. It means a person can become who they truly are. This can be a scary process as many like the distraction and excuse of being something to another to feel validated and who they are.
Who you are is something that is a private contract you hold within you and your own world. A world that you have the autonomy over and although other’s can mean well, it can come from a place of their needs being met. This in itself isn’t a bad thing as it’s often a healthy exchange. However, not always.
You’ll know if it’s the later as it will feel sticky, heavy and you’ll feel irritated.
Listen to yourself on this and allow your voice to come through and be authentic to yourself with the resources you have to simply be ‘you’. You don’t need permission, maybe a sounding board can be used with other’s who you know to not have agendas or judgement in their hearts.
After all, you may discover that you are indeed alone and furthermore, all one.
To read more from this series, please click here or contact one of the bereavement support groups here.
For further support, you could book an initial online assessment with our therapist for £65 by emailing [email protected]
Diane is a certified and experienced Counsellor, Psychotherapist and Coach. She is a lecturer, Trainer and Tutor in Counselling Psychotherapy. She has decades of experience in all aspects of therapy and is also a founder of The Core Philosophy complete wellbeing programme.